Diego Costa to move back to Atlético Madrid?

Photo credit: metro.co.uk

According to the guardian online news, Diego Costa has had enough of England. The amorous Chelsea forward wants to live in a country where they’re not so emotionally stunted that they can’t tell the difference between a malevolent bite and a spot of heavy petting, which is why he’s being linked with a move back to the sensitive-loving Atlético Madrid. And if Costa does go, that should pave the way for Alex Pato to make his name atChelsea. Step right up, Alex, it’s your turn. Alex? Alex? Has anyone seen Alex?

Hmmm. No one appears to have heard from Pato. Not to worry, though, becauseprospective Chelsea boss is already drawing up his last of targets for the summer. He wants to rival Manchester City for Paul Pogba, while he’s also planning moves for Leonardo Bonucci, Radja Nainggolan and Arturo Vidal. Little does he know that he’s going to end up with Robinho, Sebastian Giovinco, Rodrigo Palacio and Richard Keogh, while Barcelona are being linked with Kenedy.


Manchester United want to sign Barcelona’s Marc-Andre ter Stegen when David de Gea inevitably thinks “EFF THIS I’M NOT BAILING THESE JOKERS OUTANY MORE” and does one in the summer.

Borussia Dortmund’s Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang really, really, really, wants to join either Arsenal or United, honest. But here’s the thing, see, he promised his grandfather that he’d sign for Real Madrid one day, so it’s out of his hands, he’s just going to have to move to the Bernabeu. Honestly, he’d rather it didn’t have to be this way, he’s always dreamt of playing right-back for Louis van Gaal.

Zlatan “Zlatan” Ibrahimovic has three options for his next club. United, Bayern Munich and former flame Milan are all interested.

Stoke City have identified Zenit St Petersburg’s Axel Witsel as the new Glenn Whelan.

And finally, Bolton Wanderers have decided who they want as Neil Lennon’s replacement. They’re stocking up on the fake tan and bluetooth headsets, because Phil Brown is coming home.